How to Lose A Game of Chess

Chess is cool. I need to practice, so hmu if you wanna play!

Once upon a time, I wanted to be the coolest, smartest, and most dazzling person you could ever hope to meet.

I wanted to be like Violet Baudelaire or Nancy Drew or Anne Shirley. I wanted to solve a mystery or at least save someone's life. I wanted the most sophisticated vocabulary and memorized poetry to recite at will. I wanted someone that was clearly my soulmate because they were only ever interested in me (okay yearning). And hopefully they would also be my intellectual rival (duh). For a while I even wanted to be the President of the United States of America. Yikes.

I used to think I might secretly be a genius. I waited for the day that I would at last become chess grandmaster or the next great american novelist. I thought I could invent something useful. Or that I might make the world a more beautiful place because I grew up to be a famous fashion designer (okay Barbie Fashion Fairytale) with clothes cooler than yours.

Growing up changes plans.

Turns out (despite my aspirations of genius-level revolution) I am normal. In the course of my life, I will probably do normal things like work a 9-5 job and have normal hobbies like baking. I will even probably date normal people that have loved someone else. I still want to write a novel and visit ten more countries before I die. I hope to love hard and make my community a more pleasant place. I intend to avoid using AI superfluously and do what I can to prevent further damage the Earth. I want to keep honeybees like my father and have a garden like my mother and recycle like me.

Wait, why does underconsumption and budgeting sound kind of sexy? Does something magical actually happen to your frontal lobe when you turn 25?

Guys. This week I went on a date and WE PLAYED CHESS. I lost the game (I hadn't played in so long that I forgot which piece was the King and which was the Queen hehe). We didn't sleep together or kiss and it was phenomenal that I didn't have to take my clothes off for the chance to compete. Maybe I am feeling too hopeful for 2:55am but I think it will all work out. Rumor has it that I will find insurance for healthcare and a job that I enjoy and eventually be able to live in a place where I can build community and create things.

I have yet to title this poem, so please comment or message me if you have any ideas:

-

slow down

call a friend

go on a walk

paint a little

or

sit in the quiet

imagine

you can

run so fast

then,

breathe.

-

Yours Truly,

Macy